Veteran jockey Kyle Frey returned from a self-imposed seven-week break with a goal: to be successful.
Unsurprising, right?
The thing that made Frey's goal unique was its impetus: he took time away from the races in order to get a better handle on his mental health, a fact he freely shares with anyone who asks. Frey wanted to prove that the racetrack's negative stigma against talking about mental health is fading.
“Thing that I prayed about was to come back and do well, not for myself, but for those who are still struggling,” he explained. “I wanted to show that: just because you come out and say you have a problem, it does not mean that you are damaged goods and will be discarded.”
That attitude, and a healthy dose of luck, helped Frey earn the biggest win of his career on Dec. 16. Piloting the Bob Baffert trainee Wynstock, Frey scored a 14-1 upset in the Grade 2 Los Alamitos Futurity.
“It was just so out of this world,” the 32-year-old said. “I feel such an overwhelming sense of gratitude and grace. I'm grateful to Bob, the owners, to my wife and family, and of course to my agent who stuck with me through all of this. Most agents, or even people, would have said this was too much baggage, but Jack Carava really stood by me so I really appreciate that. He didn't have to; that's a very rare thing.”
Frey had struggled with mental health and addiction since his youth, growing up in what he called a “dysfunctional” home and lacking a clear sense of direction for his life.
“My parents tried their absolute best, but they had their own demons as well,” he said. “After my parents split, I started to act out seeking attention. I figured if my older brother, who was a deviant, was getting attention, then I was gonna be worse. I started partying, regular teenage stuff that got out of hand.
“I'm a competitive type, so I figured if I'm gonna be bad, I'm gonna be the best at it!”
Frey's father worked on the track, so when Frey was old enough he decided that his love of horses was a good place to start chasing a future.
“Coming to the track saved my life, I'm positive about that,” said Frey. “I was forced to get a good work ethic. I didn't want to party any more, I wanted to drive forward and be the best at my craft. In the first year I felt like I accomplished that, but then I had a bad injury, a broken femur. I felt like I was on top of the world and dropped back into reality.”
After winning the Eclipse Award as Outstanding Apprentice Jockey in 2011, Frey began using alcohol to combat the ups and downs of the jockey's profession.
He eventually got sober with the help of the Winners Foundation, but Frey's mental health had been precarious since the death of promising rider Avery Whisman in early 2023. The 23-year-old jockey and horseman committed suicide in January.
“I was really good friends with Avery,” Frey said. “I spoke to him two weeks before it happened. I really wish I was in a better place with myself then; it would have been a miracle if I could have just noticed something.”
Over the summer, Frey began to struggle with his sobriety.
“I've had a few relapses over the years, and I began feeling like I was headed in that direction,” he said. “It seemed so impossible and miserable to be sober, but instead of going back to my old ways, I wondered if there was something more going on.”
The Winners Foundation and chaplains at Santa Anita helped Frey find therapeutic alternatives to alcohol. It was hard to walk through those doors, in full view of the backstretch community, but Frey was sure he was making the right choice.
“There's more power in being open about issues than not,” he said. “We're only as sick as our secrets. I think I was a little more open to the mental health aspect, because with alcohol abuse and sobriety, it was made open.
“What I found with my journey, I discovered that alcohol isn't the issue, it's the symptom of a much greater problem. I just struggle with the ability to deal with life on life's terms.
“I sought therapy of all kinds. I tried DBT therapy, CBT therapy, those types of wide umbrella stress tolerance coping mechanisms, cold therapy, internal self-dialogue, and meditation. There were a lot of different things.”
Ultimately, Frey decided to take the step back from racing for seven weeks. He was concerned about the reaction of the racing community, given the unrelenting physical and mental demands that the sport has of its participants, but he found himself pleasantly surprised.
“I was very shocked and surprised at how many people were concerned about me personally,” Frey said. “To hear that was very, very moving. Someone said, 'Well, he's not going to be on my horse, but is he okay?'
“Typically, If you're not at the hospital, you better be on the horse! We create this big monster of rejection and judgment if we don't show up and perform to our best, but most people are a little more human than we give them credit for.
“We all get a little bit fixated on success, and that's great, but I think keeping in mind that we can be loving and supportive while doing those things is extremely important.”
Frey spoke about his journey to better mental health with Jockey Cam's Nathan Horrocks for a documentary, and was thus invited to Tucson, Ariz., in early December to speak on a panel about jockeys' mental health at the University of Arizona Race Track Industry Program's Global Symposium on Racing.
“I was mortified at first,” he admitted. “But, I felt like if I was asked to speak up about something, even if I was to get judged or ridiculed, if one person found the strength to get help, it was worth it for me.
“I found out that a lot of people were very supportive, and it's very liberating to know that. Now, people come up to me and they might say, 'Hey, I'm struggling too, how do I get help?' To be able to help somebody else is just the most beautiful and freeing thing.”
Returning to the races at Los Alamitos Sept. 22 after missing most of the Del Mar summer meet, Frey won two races on his first day back, then doubled the next day as well.
“It was really good for other people to see that, but for me it was a validation that I did the right thing,” he said. “I just feel very blessed. I feel that God put something in my heart, put this feeling of unease on me that pushed me to see what I needed to work on and reflect on. Coming back after that and being successful, it's just even more so a testament to my faith.”
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