‘I Had Hit The Lowest Of Lows’: Group 1-Winning Jockey Shares Struggles With Booze, Drugs, Mental Health

Jockey Matthew McGillivray, winner of the Group 1 Queensland Oaks in 2019, was handed an eight-month suspension at the beginning of 2022 when he provided a urine sample positive to cocaine after riding trackwork at Eagle Farm. As 31-year-old McGillivray attempts to return to the sport he loves, the jockey opened up to News Corp about his struggles with drugs and alcohol, a pair of suicide attempts, and time in a psychiatric hospital.

The cocaine positive stems from a party, McGillivray said. Having lost his purpose in life when banned from the racetrack, alcohol then made the rider prone to violence. McGillivray said he had a general “don't give a s**t attitude” toward things that were once important.

“I didn't care, I had no care about anything,” he added. “I know I've done some damage, it will take me a lifetime to make amends to some people out there.”

At the top of that list is McGillivray's young family, a 5-year-old son and wife, Aimee. The drugs and alcohol forced an estrangement, and eventually led to McGillivray's suicide attempts.

“My suicide attempts were to do with my family, my son and my wife, I just felt useless in life,” he explained. “I had hit the lowest of lows. I'm happy to share my story about this because I don't want to hide it, I'm just making do as well as I can.”

Six months ago, McGillivray made the decision to get clean and make his way back to the racetrack. Today, he is licensed to ride barrier trials and is living under the watchful eye of trainer Greg Cornish who “is helping to keep me on the straight and narrow.”

While his goal is to be able to ride races once again, McGillivray said he won't rush the process to mend his broken reputation.

“No one can say anything bad about me that can make me feel any worse than what I was feeling at one point,” he said. “I don't want to keep dodging people and hiding from them, I want to tackle things head on.”